Broken Relationships

The singer croons..."I wanna leave a legacy, how will they remember me...".

A legacy.

As I near 40, realizing perhaps the first half of my life is almost at it's end, I wonder, how do they remember me, am I leaving a legacy?

I think the first half of my life is marred with failure and I doubt the second half will be better.

I look back and see all the broken relationships, I see my faults, my failings, disasters.

But there were two of us. Always. We were both broken by it. But we were both built by it too.

Those shattered pieces fell into place over the years making a mosaic that is simply who each one of us is.

In the dark of winter there is no mercy for the heart, blistered and drained.

I wonder if in the next 40 years I'll see those relationships wind their way back through. I wonder if repairs will be made or if simply a clean slate is there, washed by the sea of our lives gone by. I wonder if we'll again become fast friends. I wonder if we'll look into each others eyes and see sacred souls again.

I wonder if that is a thing born only of youth and new relationships.

Like puppy love.

Will I see through the cynic, the sarcasm, the pessimist and see tenderness, hope and fear?