Total silence and brilliant sun wraps around this room.

Exquisite.

So what does she do, but closes her eyes, because the story lies on the other side.

All through the night the tale told itself and made her toss and turn. Over and over around and around, single scenes disjointed from each other walking before her eyes.

Snipits of conversations, glimpses of people...

"Hey, how are you?"

"Wonderful. I'm great. We're excellent." She says, smiling, knowing the truth is betrayed in her eyes, completely counting on the fact that S. never looks her in the eyes. Their conversations are ones that consist completely of small talk. Over a year's worth of small talk.

Nothing real. Just chat.

And exactly as always, S. turns repeats a similiar set of chats with another 20 people in the next 20 minutes.

Wasted words.

Finally, there is a moment. The chaos is subsiding for a while, the sounds are still blasting away at my brain, but all my responsibilities are spoken for. I have a tiny amount of time all to myself as long as I don't leave the area.

I sit. And wait. Wait for my shoulders to let go. Wait to realize I haven't taken a deep breath all day. Wait to just be.

I grab my book out of my bag and open it up. I read a few words and look around. My back begins to release and I'm starting to breath. I hold up the book again and let the words swim.

I'd love to be in a place where I could simply shut my eyes and day dream.

Then I see S. out of the corner of my eye. She's looking through the observation window. She sees me. Eye contact. I smile, nod. She smiles back.

There is a hesitation, a flicker, so brief I doubt it was there. I believe it's my mind playing tricks on me again.

Back to my book, my peace. It could be days again before I have another moment like this. Alone and yet surrounded.

The chaos returns like a wave crashing over me and leaving me gasping for air. The routine is unbroken. The groups swapped out, one chaos for another. I see a glimmer of my moment ahead.

Longing to get back to my book and chair, knowing I'll read nothing and I'll just sit.

I'm just getting ready to go in, back to my place when it's S.

We never have this much contact in a day. She is walking by me, but not in the normal way. Her head is down, eyes not looking, she walks right into my arm.

The startle for her, assulting. She jumps out of her skin, hardly looks at me, half shouts an appology.

In a total reaction, without thought, I take her arm and walk with her, into the small private office.

Suddenly, I'm the adult where she has always been. This is her domain and she commands it, yet I am now briefly in charge.

I close the door gently behind us. For a moment I stand there. Just leaning against the door. Wondering. Thinking.

She is at her desk. Sitting but defeated or crushed or somehow broken. Not like anything I've ever seen before. It's as startling as if I were seeing her in a fast food uniform this woman of command and power.

Strangly unsettling.